Sunday, November 23, 2014

Rambles #6


Is it weird if I've been having recurring irrational fears surrounding my leg?

It all started after my ligament injury. I began to visualize scenarios such as my leg breaking into two and my knee bone protruding out from the bloody wound. It's a horrific image, and it makes me so afraid. Because of that, I've been really careful when I'm walking or climbing stairs.

Perhaps it all really began when I saw pictures from the London riot a few years back. There was one which really struck me hard. It was a photo of a bone protruding out of a person's bloodied leg. Now, I'm a person who watches gore in movies all the time. I am often unfazed by the fictional portrayals of such grotesque injuries. But when I saw the real thing for the first time, I felt so nauseous that I had to quickly avert my gaze. But it was too late. The image remained stuck in my brain. 

After my ligament injury, I became very protective of my legs. I am aware of how weak they are, and I'm terrified that I would hurt them again. Because of my old injury, I've been falling over occasionally when someone accidentally bumps into me or if I just made a wrong turn. And the pain is almost always excruciating. Sure, it definitely isn't as painful as tearing your ligament. But it hurts, and I don't want to experience that kind of pain anymore.

Now that I have recovered (still can't run or climb stairs properly though), I maintain this rancid fear of getting injured.

Sigh.

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